Why I fucking hate Lizards

People tear me a new one for a lot of things that I deserve but one thing that I do not get is why I am constantly getting shit for being afraid of lizards. These same fuckers who make fun of me for being scared shitless of lizards are the same people who run from garden snakes when they are in a cage.
I am not afraid to cop to my fear. In fact I was forced to face it at work on a field trip once. I was supervising 80 kids and a lizard was on the roof right above me. I immediately went to one of my co workers (a teacher) and said their is a lizard above us, I will be over there a mile away hiding, if you need me, you have my cell number, I will meet up with you guys when you tell me the lizard is gone or you move on to a new area. She was nice enough not to dye laughing. Here is a 20 year old 6 foot guy running from a lizard, 5 feet above his head, while she is getting a senior discount on all her meals.
You know what, I would do it again. I keep wondering about my lizard fear and I have come up with 2 rationalizations: 1. Snakes are fucking scary but lizards are mother fucking snakes evolved with legs.
and 2. Lizards are little dinosaurs.
Now most of you are thinking “oh little dinosaurs are cool”. Not me. If that mother fucking asteroid didn’t hit and kill all those mother fuckers, then the human race wouldn’t have survived. If you are not catching on, I am saying that if dinosaurs were still around today then we wouldn’t be, because they are bigger and would have eaten are sorry asses before we evolved. Evolution didn’t kill all the dinosaurs, it let just enough to remind us of our immortality by having lizards and alligators around.
I may be a vegetarian and all for animal rescue and all that fun jazz but when it comes to lizards, I turn into a bastard like Hitler. If I had my way, they would all be dead so they couldn’t evolve back to t-rex form and eat my great-great-great x 600 grandchild’s ass.

I guess Kate made all the money

http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/17/jon-gosselin-career-under-construction-jon-and-kate-plus-8-working-roofing/

Ban Heaters in CA part 2

It finally hit me on what the perfect job for a man is: heater repair dude. We had one over today because guess what: the heater in my house broke. I swear that I did not do it despite my abomination for heaters. It is a mere coincidence that the heater in my house broke after wrote a blog spewing off about them. The only difference is that unlike everyone else in my house (females and babies), I was happy that the heater broke. Heck, I was ecstatic. All the winter clothes that I bought were not going to go to waste. I was prepared for the cold but no, my sister freaked out and said rain was coming so we had to call the heater guy. Argh! This is the same sister who jacks the heater up so it is a sauna in the house. I guess that is what I get for living with her.
So the heater guy comes and it was some bullshit fix. In fact, if I took a look at it, my retard ass probably would have been able to fix it. I refused to look at it because I was afraid of breaking it and because I didn’t care. When the guy was doing the twenty dollar fix, I asked him if every call he got was from girls. He yes, with the exception of guys that broke the heater so bad that they had to cave in and call him. There you go, girls and idiots. Same thing.

Selling my Youth in Revolt books

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120685722056&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT

All of you Lakers fans need to realize that you are the equivalent of Justin Bieber fans. Flat out young stupid and annoying.

http://sports.espn.go.com/chicago/mlb/news/story?id=6108605
I am so happy to hear someone say it. Michael Vick is an animal and didn’t deserve any success he had. To hear Mark Buehrle hope that Vick got injured is great. Vick killed a bunch of dogs. I am so surprised that PETA isn’t still on his ass. If Vick was smart, he would have incentives in his contract that goes towards no kill shelters.

School busses: we pay all this tax money for them and they don’t even have seatbelts

Do you know what amazes me: how school buses don’t have seat belts. Everything about kids involves safety. there r so many stupid rules about kids and safety like Your 10 year old can’t sit in the front seat if there is an airbag, an 18 year old can’t smoke in a car if a 17 year old is in it, you need a new top of line car seat until they r 10 now if they are short.; but that same kid who cant sit in the front seat because of the airbag can seat 3 or 4 without a seat belt to a row that doesn’t even fit my 6’5 skinny ass. I am convinced that this is the schools way of population lowering; If a kid flys out the window oh well, one less kid to yell at. Not having seat belts makes it easier for for kids to moon the drivers and run away from the teacher. Do you know how hard it is to discipline a kid on a moving bus; An adult can barely walk in a bus but a small little kid is pretty agile squirming through row after row after throwing his peanut butter and jelly at a car on the freeway. My 25 year old ass couldn’t navigate my way in      a bus, imagine a 60 year old lady.
You know who needs seat belts the most: the kids on the short bus; they have no self control. Not having seat belts is like not putting hannibal in a straight jacket. The kid are not tied up so u just know that they will scream and yell and bite the bus driver. You know who is in charge of these special kids: the overpaid bus driver who has no qualifications with special ed kids. He ends up kicking them off the bus for a week and the parent who signed the up for the bus for a reason and whose only solace from having a spec needs kid is not having to drive them 2 school before they go to their 4 jobs to pay for the special ed kid, ends up getting punished. Those parents deserve a medal by the way. And do you know why it cost so much to send that kid to a special school? It is because they are paying for a bus without seat belts so their housekeeper who has 11 kids and has all of them on medicare can be able to get her kids on the damn bus. Can one of them fly out the window while mooning a truck driver? Can I throw one of them out?

Ban heaters in CA, people are pussies

Can we make a rule that bans heaters or at least bans them in California? Heck, I would take a rule that bans women using heaters in california. Have you ever had to deal with a hormonal female who controls the heater and air conditioner? It is the worst thing in the world, you are feel like you are in Lancaster, CA in the summer when its winter, oh wait I’m in Lancaster already already. I don’t need it to feel like it is 110 degrees and can’t breathe when its fucking cold outside. I find myself walking around my house in boxers when its 30 degrees out because of the heater. And here is the kicker, I get yelled at for it. Well bitch turn down the thermometer and put some fucking clothes on. Do I complain when it is too cold in the house? No, I put on some socks or a sweat shirt and move on, yet when you think it is cold in the house you have to make the whole house know about it.

Fuck this super bowl and fuck all of you bandwagon fans. Go Panthers

How great is this Super Bowl for all the bandwagon people. You have the Steelers, Packers, and then its being played at the Cowboys stadium so you have an excuse to buy one of each jersey from your local Wal Mart. If you like any of the teams in the Super Bowl and are not from their city or live near or in said city then I would like to be the first one to kick you in the nuts. Yes there are some exceptions but these are the ultimate bandwagon teams. If you walk into any walmart/sports chalet/k mart/ or any dipshit store like that then I guarantee you that you will find these teams jerseys on top of your local team. Why? Because they are bandwagon teams. Everywhere you go, you see Broncos, Cowboys, Packers, Steelers, and 49ers jerseys. You won’t find Texans, Panthers, Jaguars, Chiefs, Cardinals, or Titans jerseys. Why because they are not bandwagon teams. Chances are that I am the only true Panthers fan that you will ever know and you only know me casually. Your an adult, you are gay if you like Cowboys, nobody mines for gold making 49ers irrelevant, you are not a Patriot because you make a point to get nachos while the national anthem is going on, and you don’t know what a Packer or Steeler is. So go buy an Eagles, Panthers, Dolphins, Bears, or Jaguars jersey. Caring about eagles makes you a true patriot, liking Panthers, Jaguars, and Bears makes you look tough, and girls love Dolphins.
Its not even like people like the Packers and Steelers because they have cool logos. Being from Los Angeles, I will be the first to admit that I adopted the Panthers as my team because they have the coolest logo. No, the Packers are green and yellow. The Steelers are black and Yellow. How many people do you know that like the color Yellow? Shit how many people wear the color yellow in public? If I wore a Yellow shirt that wasn’t a Packers or Steelers shirt you would call me a flamer. Well you know what I am calling you a flamer for wearing a Steelers or Packers jersey. The only reason you even like them is because everyone else likes them. Think for yourself and go buy a Lions jersey because your mom is from Detroit, or pick up a Redskins jersey because your dead granpa’s favorite team was Washington. For the love of god though, jump off the fucking bandwagon of the obvious teams.

So recently an old friend tried to disguise themselves on facebook, under the guise of being a fan of this site. Ya right, I have no readers but if I do then here is a post just for you, my one and only reader:

 

 

Between You and Laura Miller
January 29 at 5:54pm Report
I wanted to comment on the bird story and do you have any idea why there would be no comment bar for any of your blogs, yet I have comment bars on my other friend’s pages? I don’t get it. THis sux.

Daniel A. Dubay January 29 at 5:55pm
ya bc i took you off bc i dont know who you are and have plausible to reason to think that you are someone else

Daniel A. Dubay January 29 at 7:17pm
i dont even mind having you as a friend on here. it has been some time and you obviously want to keep tabs on me, just dont hide it. if you are who i think you are, i would love to catch up

January 30 at 6:43pm Report
I am not really a Facebook person. Frienid talked me into it. hardly on here and once in awhile I see something interesting, but if you don’t know why I have that issue, that is ok. Thanks anyway.

Daniel A. Dubay January 30 at 7:46pm
give it up, you have been playing this game for years. i wont think any less of you

January 31 at 1:17am Report
Sorry. I think you have me confused with another person.

Daniel A. Dubay February 1 at 6:54pm
I thought that you are too old for games. Give me a reason not to report this fake profile. You can go ahead and change the subject again but I will go on with my business.
As I said before, I have no problem with the real you adding me, I just thought that you were too old to play these games.

February 2 at 12:23am Report
reason number 1 why I was not wanting facebook in the first place. Here I thought you were interesting with sports, but you are a scary looking and weird acting guy. Bye! Good luck with your stalker! LOL (you look like one)

I frosted, that is why I look like stalker to her.