a tale of the first time a dude hit on me

A few years ago, I had this neighbor. His name was William and that should have told me something. You see every William that I  know is a piece of work. My dad, my brother, my ex girlfriend’s brother: all named William. They were all crazy. This guy was no exception.
He would tell my younger neighbors of how Sony was working on the Playstation 9, when the playstation 3 wasn’t even thought of, and about all this crazy technology. I never made a point to befriend him until I desperately needed a drummer for my band. I had always heard a drum set being played from his house. I assumed that it was him, but I was wrong; it turned out to be his brother. His brother was much younger than him but a lot more saner than him.  Unfortunately to William and their youngest his sister, this turned out to be a free pass to annoy me.  I won’t get into his sister because she meant well but lets put it this way, if I need to buy you a pregnancy test then you are a not a virgin despite what you want anyone to think.
William was just like every William that I know/knew, certifiably nuts. At 16, he got lost in the woods. It was such a big event that the news covered him for 3 days. Yes, he was missing for that long. When he finally reappeared, he said that he encountered bears and rattle snakes. News vans flocked to his house to see him come home, as a result blocking my mom’s daycare parents from even getting into our driveway.
Two years after that much publicized incident, I got to know him for the first time and let me tell you this: I wanted to be the one lost in the woods alone, far away from any human beings. I shared some lunches with him; one memorable one had him randomly shout out “fuckin asians and mexicans” for no reason(again a characteristic of every William that I know), other than trying to make people think that he had turrets which he didn’t.  You see he was my first experience of a guy ever hitting on me. It was late at night and by that time, my friends/band-mates had long left. I couldn’t find any excuse to leave because he would know about anything that I did since I lived across the street and he could see if my light was on if I said that I was going to bed. So he decides to cozy up and get close to me. He puts his arm around me and gets really close to the point that I could smell his breath because it was inches from my nose. He tries to get me to take him to my room alone since his brother was sleeping and he shared a room with him. At this point, I am thinking why does this dude who I barely know want to come to my room; I did not realize what was happening until: the dude kept on.  His arms got tighter and despite my constantly saying no, he would still try to lure me there. I probably said no like 10 before I realized what he was doing. At that point, I made a point to get in the light on my property (we were outside in his driveway) where my family could see me. I still kept the conversation going to be nice and to keep the peace. (I needed to be at his house because of band practice. At that time, I was still in the wooing stages of his brother to be a drummer for my band so I knew that I needed to keep the peace and could tell his brother when I realized that his brother wasn’t gay.) I finally got a phone call that was a way out. I said this is my home phone, dinner must be ready. Dinner wasn’t ready, we didn’t have family dinners when I was 17.  I don’t even think I told my family what happened until later. I thanked whoever it was for calling me and never did find out what it was for, I was a teenager and too self centered to care.
After this episode, it got me thinking: what really did happen in the woods those nights? He was the only dude in the world who was older than me who’s ass I could kick. He was scrawnier than me. If a bear got in a fight with him, he wouldn’t have the muscles to shove it off. A snake, I will buy. Maybe he was at peace with himself for the first time, away from his dad who hated gays, his mom who was a crack whore, and his little sister who once kicked his ass in front of the house at 11 at night. (I could write a bunch of other stories on this alone. They always took their fights to the outside and she always seemed to lock him out in his boxers or chase him down the street with a knife. She was probably ten years younger than him, and he was the type to fight back.)
William finally did come out of the closet. He was forced too. Shortly before I moved out, his sister caught him with another guy. It was only fitting.  As for me, today I am one of the only people in Lancaster who cares about gay rights (thanks to friends like William). I miss the times on that block. The people their were great. Even the lady who constantly thought she had heart trouble and would call an ambulance. Maybe I will write about her one day. I lived there for 23 years so its not like I am the crazy neighbor who knew everyone’s business, I didn’t. I didn’t even know their names but they knew mine.

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