Why I fucking hate Lizards

People tear me a new one for a lot of things that I deserve but one thing that I do not get is why I am constantly getting shit for being afraid of lizards. These same fuckers who make fun of me for being scared shitless of lizards are the same people who run from garden snakes when they are in a cage.
I am not afraid to cop to my fear. In fact I was forced to face it at work on a field trip once. I was supervising 80 kids and a lizard was on the roof right above me. I immediately went to one of my co workers (a teacher) and said their is a lizard above us, I will be over there a mile away hiding, if you need me, you have my cell number, I will meet up with you guys when you tell me the lizard is gone or you move on to a new area. She was nice enough not to dye laughing. Here is a 20 year old 6 foot guy running from a lizard, 5 feet above his head, while she is getting a senior discount on all her meals.
You know what, I would do it again. I keep wondering about my lizard fear and I have come up with 2 rationalizations: 1. Snakes are fucking scary but lizards are mother fucking snakes evolved with legs.
and 2. Lizards are little dinosaurs.
Now most of you are thinking “oh little dinosaurs are cool”. Not me. If that mother fucking asteroid didn’t hit and kill all those mother fuckers, then the human race wouldn’t have survived. If you are not catching on, I am saying that if dinosaurs were still around today then we wouldn’t be, because they are bigger and would have eaten are sorry asses before we evolved. Evolution didn’t kill all the dinosaurs, it let just enough to remind us of our immortality by having lizards and alligators around.
I may be a vegetarian and all for animal rescue and all that fun jazz but when it comes to lizards, I turn into a bastard like Hitler. If I had my way, they would all be dead so they couldn’t evolve back to t-rex form and eat my great-great-great x 600 grandchild’s ass.

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